Apparently this post is an obvious invasion of my privacy. It digs deep into my past and present part of my most intimate relationship with one of the world’s most reluctant crushes, yes crush, you are right! the word which is acceptable to use for relationships. This post is very private but it’s also intentional.
I would prefer to begin from the scratch so that you will have a better sense of how four and half years old love was born in the heart of a young Saudi-Somali girl which is gradually vanishing now. In the year 2015 was my second year in my university studies and second year in Ethiopia’s largest city of Addis Ababa. It was a hard year for me because of the odds and hurdles it came along with. First my education needed money, second I had to adopt with a lonely world I’ve never been to, thirdly, I had to adjust with a system of discrimination where I wasn’t treated as an Ethiopian. It was all these things happening all together in a spare of few successive months that shaped my life like never before. While I was trying to balance my egoes and agonies with my persistence, one thing shifted the balance of my power, LOVE. how did it happen? Well… a long story, 4.5 years right? but don’t worry. I will get you started right away…
One day around 2:40pm afternoon, I walked into a language school building on the second floor located in the center of the Somali-dominated town of Bole Mekael, Addis Ababa. I knew I would get in there because my full attention was to find out something. Early that week, I had training on “development courses” with a group of people in Addis Ababa. The courses were provided mainly by a group of students from Maine in the US and I remember if I’m correct, one of them was a Somali girl named Rakhia. as I stepped up to the second floor, my eyes had accidentally caught two girls who were dressed up with the same Saudi black Abaya outfit. They looked beautiful and I was so completely changed. I took a rest on that floor as they were standing and waited their English class. I had taken a sigh of breath as if I took up hundreds of steps to where I was standing but what a nice place to end upstairs without an elevator! As I relaxed and leaned myself against the wall, I patiently waited a moment to start them but the rain that started to drop heavily saved my time.
In the beginning, I knew that I had a little time to spend there but one look changed my entire plan, I deliberately gazed at the one who was standing in the far corner of a window back and forth. that simple but powerful look was the result of my 5 years old love today. it’s so amazing how a single glance can change someone’s life so much like me. That girl is called Maryam, a girl who ruined my life, career and some of my plans because of her love. I’m pretty sure that talking about what happened between me and her would’ve been the best selling book if my feelings sold itself but that’s how I learned enough in life. to give you some priceless moments with Maryam, I once and twice traveled across land and space to see her face not even knowing if she knew I was planning to meet her. I once put myself in greater danger to save her but the most gratitude I got out of love was just “thanks axmed” which is something to be grateful but don’t make someone who’s madly in love like me feel happy. another crazy thing I’d done is that recently when she blocked me on everywhere that she thought I could sneak a text, I handwritten a letter to her in 2020 and 21 century when sending a text is virtually much quicker than our eye blink today- -yet I still chose to send her a letter via physical mail . pardon me! it’s one of my nonsense that I want to bombard you tonight.
I and Maryam have had a beautiful time together. We ate, drank and had fun together. She often encouraged me to study hard because I was winning a girl like her. She calmed me many nights when I was so frustrated and mad at her. Her voice was a real cooler, calmer and healer. We’ve always felt each other’s pain but the years that followed had its own shortcomings. she was gradually making up her mind. Even though I did everything I could to save our long-time relationship, I didn’t have her back and a shoulder to lean on. my words and love frustrations didn’t change her mind either. I continued to complain but that had only taken my feelings to a greater heights.
Relationship experts can only understand what it takes someone to get a person whose atmost intention is to be your friend but the reality of someone else’s love nightmare is beyond anyone’s imagination. even though that girl lived in Ankara last October 2020 before she blocked me, she’s still an option for me. I know I’m stupid and mean to say this but I only know myself more than anyone else. Actually She bombarded me with her look, life and language.
It’s hard to look back at whatever she said to me but one thing for sure is that the language she used to talk and text me all the time was by far the most disappointing thing she’s ever done to me. Nothing is impossible, I often hear this a lot. It sounds quite magic, right!? I may be stuck in someone’s world and be stupid but I still believe in Magic. (Trust me!)
That’s a bit of my love story and I would like to publish it on my blog. Maybe one day I will look back and realize that I made a mistake by pouring out my feelings to someone who knows little about how I feel about her. I don’t know what the future holds but time will tell.
Have a great night/day! Stay safe!